Well Known Fact: Bastards and Assholes

James Bond Ultimate Collector's SetBastards and Assholes

Most of us are one or the other. I'm a bastard.

Assholes are mean for the sake of mean. They get pissed off and lose it. Me, I'm not mean. At least not for the sake of mean. I do my thing and try to do it right. Wankers piss me off because, basically, they are off wanking away while we bastards are getting the job done.

What's a wanker? Not all wankers are assholes. A wanker is wanking. A wanker becomes an asshole when the preach what exactly they aren't doing. Some wankers wank quietly in a corner, happy to be wanking but not really giving a shit if you are or are not wanking. An asshole wanks just the same, but bitches about others who wank.

Assholes aren't just hypocrites. A hypocrite is someone who will tell you not to wank and himself is a wanker. He might lie to you and say he isn't wanking, or not believe he is a wanker. They become assholes when they bitch about you wanking, as if you are a son of a bitch for doing so. Or a daughter of a bitch. Any lady wankers reading this? Anyway, an asshole will rip into you about your wanking. They will tell you off and get angry about it.

Assholes have tempers. Bastards don't.

Why am I bastard? I don't care whether you wank. No temper. No man with balls has a temper. A real man with real balls never loses his temper, but is cool and steady no matter what is thrown at him. He might not like it, but he has the balls to withstand it. An asshole is really just a pussy with testicles.

If God gave you balls, don't be an asshole. 

James Bond. Not a wanker, asshole or bastard. Always cool. 

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