Funky Boy

College starts up soon. Old man on campus. Snow is about to hit (again). The NBA can't find its ass. Shit going on with wannabe protesters in Manhattan. Damn kids are fighting about money, but when I was a kid, people fought for human rights. Thanksgiving was great. Lari and Em, my crazy cousins, crammed 15 of us at one table. Took a long table that sits eight, popped on a board, covered it with a thick tablecloth, and we had it all. My cousins from Michigan showed up, Indiana and even the Californians. 20 over all, but not everyone was around for dinner. Which brings me to the real question: what the hell are sweet potato balls? Yeah, my ass is bigger, for those of you who care. I ate. I was lazy. Went out today and walked three miles. Damn nice day.

I think our president held out showing his birth certificate as long as possible so that as many people could be made fools of as possible. Think about how brilliant he was. All that money that could have gone into fighting his reelection went into all of this nonsense. Millions of dollars to make an ass of one's self. Hahaha! I can make an ass out of myself for just the cost of a six-pack. Or, if there's a hot girl in the room winking at me, a shot and two beers. Now before you get off wanking about that I went all political on you, or that I think this or that, take your hand out of your pants and listen up. Get this you wankers, Hillary Clinton's people started it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama_citizenship_conspiracy_theories#Origins_of_the_claims Now it is time for reelection, Obama will be reelected because the Republicans wanked away chasing this bullshit instead of finding someone who could beat him. Some say that's dirty pool by Obama...

Aphrodisiac or not, I'm not eating them.

Thank you.

Do you know the book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day ? It is a kid's book. The title tells it all. First of all, I get a flat tire on my way to help a guy move. My spare was flat too. Yeah, my fault. So I park my car, grabbed a taxi, get my spare fixed, and help my friend. Popped on the subway back to my car. I was parked too long when I got back there. Got two tickets. Helping the guy move. That's cool, but all day up and down stairs carrying boxes. Man, I'm not as young as I was. My back hurts, my arms are sore, and my left calf thinks it needs a massage. My calf is wrong. My whole body needs a massage. Meanwhile, never talk baseball. Damn, I love baseball. I watch every game I can. I played a lot when I was little, and love tossing it around now. So I talk a little ball with my friend in Detroit. A few e-mails and he gives me shit for asking about Justin Verlander. I grew up in Detroit. Love the Tigers. I like the Yankees too. Verlander...

I decided to answer Nicholas D. Kristof's question on Facebook. Here's the Times story about Greg Mortenson and his schools. I find this whole issue heart-breaking. I've visited his schools and really admired the way they were set up. Greg does some great work, no question. But these allegations are very serious, and they need direct answers and better, detailed answers. Your thoughts?  Some guy  Frederick Lang commented. I get what he means but I do not agree. What I said: I can't buy Frederick Lang's view, "This man may be flawed, but his vision certainly is an inspiration." If the guy is full of bullshit, no matter how good his goal is, he is still full of bullshit. Some guy hoodwinked Oprah, who peddled the bullshit unknowingly. How many newspapers have published incredible stories only to learn the reporter made up the people he interviewed? Bullshit artists have worked for the best of newspapers. Jayson Blair. Rick Bragg. Stephen Glass. Gerald Pos...

How Can You Have Any Pudding If You Don't Eat Your Meat?! Roger Waters On Conan The album still rocks. The Wall

I have the baseball itch. Bad. Come on. Get your mitts, grab a ball, I'll bring a few bats. Let's hit around. John Fogerty - Centerfield

Naw, there's no way to sum up people that nicely. There are two kinds of people, even if there are kinds than that. You got yer doers, and you got yer complainers. Now, any of you reading right now know ahead of time I don't play that politically correct chitter chatter water cooler nonsense. No, mam. Doers are Ass Movers You see, those doers, we love 'em. Chuck Norris, see, he's a doer. But he's got a roundhouse kick that not everyone has got. I don't. But the real doers are the ones who ain't working with roundhouse kicks. I'm going to call them, "Ass Movers" because they move their ass. Why do we like Chuck? He never loses it, never complains. He just goes and gets it done. When there's trouble, he moves his ass, see? There is this old guy down the hall from me. I never can remember his name. He's gotta be in his 70s, but he isn't waiting for death that's for damn sure. Still is working somewhere. Then I see him aro...

My weight has stabilized. It was around this time last year I decided to lose weight . I was dropping faster, but now it is slowing down. I still feel better than I used to. Goal: 20 lbs. Result: 15 lbs. My ass is smaller. Do I have nice buns? Hell no. I'm too old for nice buns. Not bad for one year, huh? What did I do? Not much, really. I just ate less and exercised a little. I got a little inspired reading David Dane's weight loss routine . I don't know the guy, but he lost a lot of weight by eating less. He gained a lot of it back, so I don't know what to tell you about him. I hope he figures out what changed. I did two things differently than he was doing in the beginning. He starved himself for months and dropped weight fast. I just ate a little less, and slowly dropped the poundage. I cut the beer out. Now I have one, but never three. When I say I ate less, I don't know how many calories but I know I am eating less. That's all good to know. Dan...

I looked at what I want to get my degree in. Looked at finance. Looked at business. Not for me. I decided on history. I'm going to be a history teacher. Not sure yet what age I want to teach. It is time to get out of this construction thing. I'm sick of crazy hours, never knowing if I'm working what days, and busting my ass. I am not the fattest ass out at the job, but I am not 25 years old either. I love history. I watch the History Channel. I read history for fun. It just makes sense. I am skipping the associates thing and going straight to a regular college. It turns out I couldn't get a student loan at community college.  Look out public high schools, but I'm coming after you. We are going to get funky in Brooklyn!

Was asking myself the other day what's next? Time to finish my degree, baby. I had a friend finish his degree -- 60 years old. Way to go. Here's to you, Ray. A lot of my pansy-ass friends mope around how bad life is, and aren't doing shit to improve things. I realized I was kind of like that. So I said I'm going back to school. They all laughed, trying to tell me how much unemployment there is. Then they tell me about how they know people with PhD who are out of work. Big deal. Do I care about the guy with a PhD? His life isn't my life. Too bad for him, I hope he makes it. Me, I gotta take care of me. I am finding a school, enrolling this summer. Getting my ass a college degree. Saw this video and got inspired. He took some risks and now will be on TV. He's from Brooklyn, baby. Looks like he might be my age too.