Bastards, Assholes, Sons of Bitches and Shitheads

I live in New York. If there's anything we have, it's bastards. Lots of them. They get a bad rap though and I want to set the record straight.

First of all, not all bastards are sick bastards. They are more like assholes with a mean side.

You can be a son of a bitch and a bastard. After all, a bastard, technically, is a child without a father. The bitch is the mother. So if I call you a son of bitch bastard, I'm probably correct.

I'm not going to use your god's name in vain or any of that bullshit. While none of you holy roller Bible thumpers have even tried to give me one damn good reason why you believe, it is what you believe. It is kind of like making a mother joke (your momma was so good last night... you know the jokes). It is like if we fought as high school kids. Fight fair, and never hit a guy in the crotch or poke his eyes. I'll beat the hell out of you, but I won't make it personal. I might just buy you a beer afterward if we settle things right.

I'm also not a bigot. If I call you something, I won't bring race into it. Now there's a bastard. He'll bring up whether the dude is a Jew or Black (right there is a half of NYC), or if the guy is a Muslim or Hindu, but damn it, it does not matter. An asshole is an asshole. Only a bastard cares what color skin or religion he is.

Go ahead, insult someone. Just don't be an asshole about it, OK, shithead?

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